Summer Meltdown

_MG_3170This past week I’ve been in mourning.  We came back “home” to Providence and I was hit with the realization that I didn’t want to be here.  I left my heart in Michigan, so to speak, and the transition back here has been difficult.  The first night home was filled with the loudness of city life- neighbors yelling, cars revving, sirens blaring- and I didn’t sleep a wink, missing that country darkness and quiet.  Slowly, slowly I am finding my feet again, readjusting to life here in Providence.  Luckily, the kids are so happy-go-lucky that the transition hasn’t been hard on the at all- they loved our time in Michigan for all that it was, and they were happy to be back home to their pool and their friends.  Oh to be a kid again- it was all so simple!

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_MG_3231As always, my garden and farmers market bring me joy, especially now that they have reached their summer peak.  The garden is bursting with 10-foot-tall sunflowers, in every variety imaginable.  I planted some in my plot this year, and I absolutely love the pop of color among the greens and tomatoes.  The boys come along to help, still wearing their wet bathing suits from the pool.  We have to peel the suits off every night, managing only because we promise they can put them back on first thing in the morning.  What are we going to do when the pool closes?  There will surely be tears!

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_MG_3223Last night, as we walked to the garden, sitting in front of the school (where my community garden is) there was a large group of men, sitting around drinking and smoking pot, the ground around them strewn with litter and broken bottles.  This is my garden.  This is the public school where our kids would attend if we stay here.  I went into the garden, chaining the lock behind us, feeling worried as I turned my back to water and weed.  This is Providence…and we’re back.  At this moment, there is not much more to say.

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11 thoughts on “Summer Meltdown

  1. Sandra

    Oh Christine. This sounds like a tough time at the moment, I’m sorry. I hope you can work through it with whatever is best for you and your family.

    Reply
  2. Joan Johnson

    Christine,

    You don’t know me and I only know you through your delightful blogs. How I got hooked up to them, I can’t even remember, but they are joyful to read. I love your willingness to share your gifts and talents and to introduce me to new places, fun friends, fabulous colors, nature’s beautiful offerings, tastes, sounds, your beautiful children, and the creations of your hands and heart. You are an incredible woman and I often wonder how you find the time to accomplish all that you do.

    I sorrow today for you as you have left beautiful Michigan (I’ve never been there except through your photos) and returned to the challenges of city life. Despite your descriptions today, I found so much beauty in the peaches and your boys in the community garden. My challenges of today, though different from yours, seemed a bit heavy and after reading your post decided that we all share heaviness sometimes, but there is still much joy to be had.

    Thanks for brightening my day. My best wishes to you for a good day.

    Joan

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Reply
  3. Chloe

    Oh, my heart aches for you! I grew up in Holland, MI and have lived in Florida the past ten years. I must admit I would read your beautiful posts and be envious of all the “culture” and young people in Providence. It’s so sad you have this going on in your sweet little town. I know awhile ago you were toying with the idea of moving back up north. Maybe this is just the little nudge you needed?

    Reply
  4. Abby Murphy

    What a challenging situation to return home to. I can empathize with your struggle to adapt to life back in Providence after a summer at home–every time I return to Providence after visiting my family in Ohio, it takes me a full week or so before things really start to feel normal again. But how much more difficult with a young family to care for, as well. I’ll be thinking of you as you work through this.

    Reply
  5. Xan

    What I thought I wanted and where I thought I wanted to live completely altered as my children grew from babies to toddlers. The wellbeing of our 2 babes and our small family as a whole has always been the fundamental influence leading our decisions, even though they are not always easy or clear-cut. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you, but all I can offer is remember to keep listening to your heart and if something or somewhere (else) feels so right, then it cannot possibly be wrong. Thinking of you and sending all my love and light ❤

    Reply
  6. mboukamp

    Darling
    We miss you and your beautiful family so and yet everything around us says “summer is fleeting and it’s time to return home!” The Muffin Tin had its worst day of sales yesterday because everyone is leaving this beautiful spot for home and school! We will reconvene next year for some more beautiful times to cherish! Sending you all my love!!!!!!!
    mom

    Reply
  7. zane

    Christine, I have thought about this post often over the past few days. My heart goes out to you. Jeffrey and I lived in a very gritty part of Pittsburgh during the first two years of our marriage. In some ways it was a lonely and sad time for me . . . even though I tried to “bloom where I was planted” while always holding Michigan in my heart. But there are so many things I’m grateful for about that time. And I loved parts of living an urban life, as I know you do. I wish you all the best as you make your way, and I trust that things will work out for your beautiful family and your creative self!

    Reply
  8. Eden Sayers

    Hi Christine,
    I also live in Providence on the East Side with my 15 month old son. I live on Hope Street and I recently caught a burglar right outside my sons window! I love Providence but every time we return to my husbands home in Central Pennsylvania I dream of moving there. I understand 100% how you feel. I just keep telling myself the grass is always greener and we really are so lucky to live in such a culturally diverse vibrant city that’s pretty affordable. Just know your not alone I totally feel your pain…

    Reply
  9. Pingback: Home again, home again | Christine Chitnis

  10. Pingback: Home Again | Christine Chitnis

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