Two Faced

Sometimes I am completely floored by the way people conduct themselves. This week I am reeling from the betrayal of someone I thought was a good friend. It doesn’t take much to see through to the heart of people and sometimes, when you do, the findings are scary.

I am trying to look on the bright side…it is a good thing that I found out this persons true colors before I became emotionally attached. Although there were hints of her true colors during our friendship, I tried to push them aside and give her the benefit of the doubt. I guess that is a good lesson in trusting your gut instinct. Although, is it okay to write people off right away because your heart is telling you something is not right?

Although I love keeping my blog a place of light and happy subjects, I have turned here in times of need and found my readers to be extremely wise and thoughtful….So, I am curious to know how you deal with this issue. New town, new friends, trying to be open…do you trust your heart, or your head?

Picture: The Illusionists

8 thoughts on “Two Faced

  1. Anonymous

    I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. I would say…trust your gut, that reaction is there for a good reason. It is the bodies protection system. It doesn't make this any easier though, I am sure.

  2. Meg Runs

    That is so frustrating and it happened to me just last week. Finally, I passed through anger and then sadness and now I just feel kind of disapassionate towards that person but I really wanted to be great friends with her. The sad thing is that we work closely together and I need to try to take the high road every day! It's so hard!

  3. emilyflippinmaruna

    I think it is good to know the true nature of a person, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you need to write the person off. Of course, I don't know how they betrayed you, but if it is something forgivable I would suggest that you do.

    Not everyone is capable of being all of the things a “good” friend should be, but that doesn't mean that they aren't able to provide friendship. Now you know she is two faced, so you can sidestep the problem in the future, while still allowing yourself to enjoy whatever qualities first drew you to her.

    Friends who possess all the attributes that make them kindred spirits are rare and take awhile to find (especially when you are new). Looking for a BFF can be lonely, why not share a laugh with someone while you wait for that special friend who you can share you life with.

    Just my thoughts, but I'm one of those friends for life type of people. You have to do something SERIOUS before I write you off.

  4. lauren

    i live a highly guarded life [when it comes to friendships], so it really takes a lot for someone to be able to break-down my barriers.
    i [almost] always follow my gut instincts and i have rarely been wrong. i think that if we do find that we have been wrong about a person's intentions/traits/etc., then it may or may not be worth investing a lot more time into the relationship — to me, it is not. i place so much value on the time i have and i hate to waste even a little bit on someone who has wronged me. i hope i do not come across as sounding horribly negative, but i appreciate the handful of good friendships i have today. for folks to really penetrate my walls, really takes a lot.
    i hate that this has happened to you!

  5. wild child

    Christine, I am so sorry someone has hurt you 😦

    You have already received some very wise advise here – I'm not sure I could add anything that hasn't already been said. I guess generally speaking – and really, just generally – I would keep your head open to all kinds of friends, but trust your instincts with friends you open your heart to. Does that make sense?

    Most of all, I hope you know you are loved by many 🙂


  6. Angie

    Hi Christine, I am delurking…(love love love your furniture re-dos, oh my love them.)

    This is something I was just talking to my mom about- our friendships through the years and how they change, some for better, some for worse. She recommended a book to me by Liz Pryor called What Did I Do Wrong? : When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over. It sounds like you were on the other side of the friendship- the ending one, but it may be a good book to read. I have just ordered it so I don't know (sorry, that is kind of funny that I am recommending it but I haven't read it but I did hear a podcast and it did sound good). It IS better that it happened sooner rather than later, when you are more emotionally invested it is sooo much harder. I am sorry you are going through this- it always sucks no matter who is ending the friendship. And it is a mourning process for sure- sadness, despair, anger, all of these emotions to some degree happened to me when I went through this last year. It does help to talk to someone about it. I talked to my hubby, he was very supportive. And yes, I did see the warning signs ahead of time, and I chose to ignore them. I won't next time.

  7. Kemi

    “Although, is it okay to write people off right away because your heart is telling you something is not right?”

    Absolutely, yes. Especially if your instincts are usually right.

    If you don't feel comfortable writing someone off without more to go on than just instinct, I would suggest presenting a guarded version of yourself until you've learned more about them.

    Truthfully, though, those first instincts are rarely wrong.

    I'm so sorry you were hurt!


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